Friday, April 20, 2012 11:03 PM
Now I'm at a payphone
I'm not in love.
Or rather, is it better and more socially acceptable for me to say 'I don't like anybody right now'?
A great amount of cynicism can be felt when reading this post. I've never been in a relationship so all the critics can easily say I don't know anybody about romance and, while arguably true, I'm still a 17 year old girl... which means I'm somehow enlightened on the subject?
I also read a lot of shoujo manga. Although I don't know if that will make me seem more or less credible in your eyes.
So, yes. The question of my credibility is a rather gray area but if it bothers you a lot you can honestly stop reading and go facebook stalk somebody. Or rot on youtube. Or kill time on reddit. Or do whatever it is you do on the internet.
....and back to the main topic!
Yeah.
Not in love. Not in infatuation, not in crush, not in like. Not in even delusion, nor in hope.
Make no mistake, I'm still human. Occasionally waves of yearning wash over me and I honestly think '
damn I want a boyfriend' then proceed to drown myself in feelings of self pity and forever alone.
But for the most part, the realization is simply
liberating.
The idea a noble love which can overcome any obstacle is romantic, but not practical.
Everybody wants to hold onto their personal fairy tale, but struggling for the sake of having a fantasy is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.
To limit yourself, to set mental constraints. It is a precarious, mentally draining, and deeply unfulfilling attempt.
There will be a time to hold on; there will be a time to let go.
Doesn't mean I'm lonely cause I'm alone.
I feel no need to do anything, to say anything for another's sake.
Does this mean I can be a selfish bitch? Perhaps. Because at this point everything I do is for me, myself, and I.
I am simply a highschooler who plays badminton, loves her friends, and is getting through each day like everybody else.
To borrow the profound wisdom of Howl's Moving Castle, "a heart is a heavy burden."
Despite society's expectations, if I don't want to take on that burden, if i'm not ready to take on that burden... I'm not going to.
And there's no shame in that.
Labels: nicolee