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Coding/Design: Yours-Tragically
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October 2010
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January 2012
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The end of four years invites a lot of introspection:

• People I thought I disliked but realized that the good times with them overall have outweighed the poor memories
• Catching up with old friends and now acquaintances (it was interesting! I'm glad to see that we've both grown in different ways, even if that meant apart. You'll always have a special spot in my heart just because of how much we did go through those first 2 years of high school, but in the end, it's been a while haha)
• Numbers & Grades: Something stupid, but memorable for me, personally. I struggled a lot in chemistry freshman year and barely pulled off a 90% second semester. I ended this last semester of AP chemistry doing just the minimum with an A+.
• Where I thought I'd be and where I am now

Labels: amy

4 years has really changed a lot.

Some people got really smart, some people got even smarter than you thought they could be, and some people gave up. Some grew tall, and others grew taller than you ever thought they would grow. And some people just got lost and fizzled out somewhere along the way.

There's a lot of things that I've done to change myself and I guess some of them worked out better than others. But I think one of the biggest things I've learned about myself is that I am not smart. Despite the fact that I continuously try to take these difficult classes and convince myself and everyone around me that I am intelligent, I have realized that I simply cannot be anything but average in intelligence. My mental capacity for understanding is the limiting reagent to my learning, unfortunately.

Well that's a little bit disappointing.

Labels: amy

There are some things in the world that make you very happy -- those that give you that silly warm feeling. My country does that for me. Just watching them meander along the Olympic Parade of Nations, all glowing, happy, and dressed casually in khakis and sweaters labelled blatantly with "CANADA" -- just to know they're all so ecstatic to be there makes me ecstatic for them too. I guess there are lots of things I would love to say about identifying with a country that you no longer live in. It's interesting, but it definitely makes me, in a rather paradoxical light, feel closer to my background country (or countries?!) more.

Labels: amy

Oh how time drifts away. Happy birthday, dearest.

Labels: amy

Welp, I guess it's just me left -- my partner in crime seems to have dipped out on this blog in the mean time. Maybe she'll be back one day.

On another note:
Again, after I've been TV-marathoning by myself, I've found that pointless, whimsical television shows are probably one of the greatest sources of inspiration to the listless but secretly yearning mind. For the past few days I've been watching America's Got Talent (which is not my cup of tea, but regardless) and to see hundreds vying for 48 spots -- to see, out of those hundreds, the few who make it and their blooming expressions -- to see the great majority who does not -- to see dreams shattered -- to see grown men cry. Despite the disparities among man, there are times when one truly realizes how simple each one of us is; after all, we are all made from the carbon of the Earth and share over 99.9999% of our genetic code.

I felt my heart break.

Such is life. We all strive for the few positions of merit that reflect in our retinas, in our hopes, in our dreams, those which resonate within our minds and ricochet off the corners of our dendrites and bounce back from the somas of our neurons. Life is hard. In a meaningless way, it can be determined by hopeless statistics of success. But in the end, all is subjective, for my penchant may not be your penchant, and likewise.

But watching the individuals do what they love with such passion, such need to succeed, it is shattering when they take a leap of faith and don't make it. But none stops to consider the potential for failure. Beneath it all, that is how I hope to be.

 "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land upon the stars."

But stars are only stars if you take them to be such. In essence, my friend has worded it best (unfortunately I am quite a ways too verbose to make any sense at all): "don't let achievement go to your head and don't let failure disappoint you either." Take it in one stride.

Such is life.

Obviously I'm in a preachy mood. Sorry to afflict the unwary minds of carefree people all around LOL

I hope you're having a good summer :)

Labels: amy

Had another one of those dreams last night. Surprising, because I haven't had one in a long time. It's almost disappointing to know that none of it was, and never will be again, real. And when I woke up I realized how much I was missing them, and how little time I have left to ever see them again. When we head off to university, who's to say I'll ever meet them again? The world may be a small, but it's not actually small.

Labels: amy

Was watching some chick flick on T.V. today from a while back -- maybe 2004, 2005ish? Wow. It's been a long time. I remember always watching this kind of high school, or reading about this kind of high school, and now looking back, high school really has been nothing like any of that at all!

Call me naive, but I truly believed that high school would be drama filled but mostly fun and games with a little romance here and there (LOL oh god... the romantic inside me revealed at last!!). What it really turned out to be was yes, drama-filled, but nothing like the entertainment industry portrays (though I still hold out a glimmer of hope for some high school in some distant place to be all that in the movies!!). Maybe it was just the sector I happened to fall in -- Asians galore -- or maybe films create an egregious misunderstanding (for me at least), but while high school was drama-here-drama-there at some points (ugh, can people please grow up?), for me, it was mostly grades and other stuff from behind the scenes, I suppose. Really nothing orthodox from the big screen.

Anyways, next year is going to be a real change for me haha.

Stay tuned to the comedy that is my life. :)

Bisous,
Amy

Labels: amy

I am a jealous freak. You're right.

Everybody seems to have something to, have somewhere to go. They like what they're doing (or at least they're complacent about it). Or at least they don't mind what they're doing. Or they're really good at pretending that they don't mind what they're doing.

And I am quite jealous, to be honest. I am not particularly interesting, god forbid me to say so and lie. I do not have that "passion" that I see in others. I feel a little lost and a little devoid of everything.

I've always been good at being mediocre -- just good enough at this, just good enough at that -- scraping just enough to get by. But it's a little tiring to know that you're not particularly good at anything.

Something I've always wanted badly is something to be good at.

Labels: amy

Cause we all have an issue with being egocentric sometimes (:
So: things I like:

1. Drawing, painting, all the like
2. Mr. Sketch Scented Markers
3. Biiiioooooologggyyy (even if I say I hate it)
4. Internet <3
5. Mascara!!
6. Sleeping, REM, and dreaming
7. When people tell you they like looking at your blog (not that this one's directed to Vicki or anything...)
8. Cliché shoujo mangas
9. History (though it's one of my weaker subjects)
10. Psychology
11. Home
12. Certain persons
13. Tumblr
14. Inspirational, high-contrast B&W, landscape, and eye photography
15. Weekends
16. Just chilling alone
17. Chiffon
18. Shopping & window-shopping
19. Shoes
20. Thinking
21. Dogs
22. Pointless documentaries about anything and everything
23. Having absolutely nothing to do
24. Or having nothing that I want to do (and not doing it!)
25. Marc Jacobs bags
26. The colour red
27. My cutie neighbour (LOL hopefully he doesn't see this cuz he thinks I'm a creep ;) ) <333
28. And his brother. But that's a secret. :)
29. People who are inventive, creative, or just plain philosophical
30. People who have the capability of transcending plain egocentrism
31. Wearing dresses
31. You

I mean, my life sucks. Yours probably does too. But hey, no use sitting there.

Labels: amy

I have a serious case of senioritis.

Labels: amy

I have an impulsive urge to draw.

Labels: amy

Mrs. Linder, Mrs. Linder, you were right.

You were right when you lectured us, when you told us disdainfully that "playing the GPA game wasn't going to get us anywhere" and that "eventually, counting numbers all the time made the class tedious, causing you to do worse."

Mrs. Linder, Mrs. Linder, why didn't I listen to you.

It's too late to stop now.

Labels: amy

Labels: amy

I guess I don't write them very often though I wish I'd write them more haha. I guess there isn't very much wrong with my life. I just suffer from a good case of first-world-problems-itis. I actually don't know what to write here, except that I'm writing this just to write something.

So I hope you -- whoever's reading this, be it No Person at all -- had a good day. (:

Labels: amy

Damn, that was one bad year.

Labels: amy

I am a little bit tired.

Labels: amy

1. Life sucks and we all die

So get over it.

#iloveeveryone, #weliveinahappyworld, #shithappens

Labels: amy

Looking back on blog posts makes you realize what an isolent prick you were back then cause you were always complaining about your life even though it was probably still amazing.

Even better, though, is realizing that you haven't changed and you're still an insolent prick.

*insert cliche tumblr image here*

Labels: amy

it's bye-bye for real. thanks for being my friend.

Labels: amy

" My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.
All my very best,
Jack Layton "

Labels: amy