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Coding/Design: Yours-Tragically
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October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
December 2012
January 2013
February 2013
March 2013
May 2013

Meeting you was an interesting story in itself.
But learning about you, learning of you has been completely different.

I suppose it's just an eye opener that everybody we encounter in our lives has their own back story to tell. Some are more interesting than others for sure, and others are stories that eclipse a person's very being.

I guess this goes back to the mantra "you can't escape your past."

But I'd like to go back to before the judgement  and try to remember you as I saw you.
I'd like to think of you based on my own perception.

Because you haven't done anything to me to deserve mistrust, to deserve suspicion.
And while I have so many things I'd like to ask you, so many things I'd like to say to you, I'm going to pretend I don't know.

Because you deserve that much. You deserve your privacy, your second chance.

I've come to realize how much I don't know about you, but I still think you're a nice kid.

Labels: nicolee

Somebody told me they liked my smile.




Thank you.

Labels: nicolee

I'm not in love.

Or rather, is it better and more socially acceptable for me to say 'I don't like anybody right now'?

A great amount of cynicism can be felt when reading this post.  I've never been in a relationship so all the critics can easily say I don't know anybody about romance and, while arguably true, I'm still a 17 year old girl...  which means I'm somehow enlightened on the subject?

I also read a lot of shoujo manga. Although I don't know if that will make me seem more or less credible in your eyes.

So, yes. The question of my credibility is a rather gray area but if it bothers you a lot you can honestly stop reading and go facebook stalk somebody. Or rot on youtube. Or kill time on reddit. Or do whatever it is you do on the internet.

....and back to the main topic!

Yeah.

Not in love. Not in infatuation, not in crush, not in like. Not in even delusion, nor in hope.
Make no mistake, I'm still human. Occasionally waves of yearning wash over me and I honestly think 'damn I want a boyfriend' then proceed to drown myself in feelings of self pity and forever alone.

But for the most part, the realization is simply liberating.


The idea a noble love which can overcome any obstacle is romantic, but not practical.

To limit yourself, to set mental constraints. It is a precarious, mentally draining, and deeply unfulfilling attempt.

There will be a time to hold on; there will be a time to let go.

Doesn't mean I'm lonely cause I'm alone.

I feel no need to do anything, to say anything for another's sake.
Does this mean I can be a selfish bitch? Perhaps. Because at this point everything I do is for me, myself, and I.

I am simply a highschooler who plays badminton, loves her friends, and is getting through each day like everybody else.

To borrow the profound wisdom of Howl's Moving Castle, "a heart is a heavy burden."
Despite society's expectations, if I don't want to take on that burden, if i'm not ready to take on that burden... I'm not going to.

And there's no shame in that.

Labels: nicolee

Not much to say.
Spring Break has been extremely calm thus far and I've enjoyed the peace.

I also really like this quote:

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” 

 ― Emma Watson

Labels: nicolee

Today, I had a slight brain fart (sorry for the lack of eloquence...) and temporarily forgot the name of one of my old good friends.  Once upon a time we talked practically everyday. We were good friends, but then we drifted apart. I honestly blanked out on her name.

Food for thought. Despite the amount of importance placed on the present, I wonder how things will change in the future. Years from now, everything important might fade into irrelevancy.

And that is some pretty scary shit.

On a different note, I discovered a nice website today. It's very therapeutic so I'm sure anybody can appreciate it.

xx click

Have a better day tomorrow.

Labels: nicolee

Everything is seemingly happening at once.
It's tiring, but I'm happy to be able to do things I love with people I genuinely like.

I don't feel the need to limit myself, to force myself.

Almost overwhelming, this feeling of euphoria

Labels: nicolee

those crazy, annoyingly smart asians that only care about badminton, anime, and all those crazy asian singers. Stereotypes. Funny and sad at the same time because they're so true. The more I reread the definition, my definition, the more disgusted and ashamed I get. Is that all I am? How boring. Fuck that.

Labels: nicolee

100.

100 is always a pretty good number.

100 cents to a dollar...
100 senators in Congress...
100 years in a century....

For whatever reason mankind came up with, 100 is a really solid number which seemingly holds some universal value.

Personally,  I view 100 as a good base number because, for me, it's the amount of pictures I normally need to take in order to get a picture I like.

A picture.

As in... one.

And that is after hours of setting up and post process editing.

It's not really that I'm excessively picky or an insane perfectionist but the reality is that sometimes there aren't any nice pictures.

I suppose that's the big concept I've gained from 2011. Everything doesn't always work out perfectly and it might not work out on the 16th, 78th, or 126th attempt either.

The annoying reality is that some things just don't work period.

But on the flip side, other ideas and modifications on the fly might work out wonderfully, perfectly, and easily.

It's always possible to get a nice picture. The question is if you can get it. If you can achieve it.

I believe it's an optimistic principal that applies to a good portion of life.
Things don't always go the way we plan and some of the things we plan truly fail miserably and repeatedly. But despite the failure of the initial or intended, there's always another option you can try if you're really willing. If you're willing to look for an alternative and TRY it.

2011 was really an experimental year.
A year full of friendship, smiles, and a disturbing amount of crying.

But overall, I regret nothing.

As a bonus, I also literally got some nice pictures.

On towards 2012!

Labels: nicolee

Dad: Here's a dog stuffed animal.
Me: Dad, that's a kangaroo.

My dad's home from Hong Kong (:

Happy Thanksgiving

Labels: nicolee

 So it was a pretty good day!

I <2 you (:

52088

Labels: nicolee

Life is pretty beautiful.

But you can never see anything if you leave your head shoved up your ass.

Enjoy your life, be happy, hakuna matata.

Labels: nicolee

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you here, here, here

I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near

I wish you were near.

Labels: nicolee

Labels: nicolee

And Junior Year is the year when we're all supposed to crank up the heat and work even harder. Right?

1...2....3.....4......
Things that really matter to me. I can probably count them on my hands. My level of "I don't give a shit" is dangerously high. What's the point anymore? Realistically, I'm not going to go to a prestigious school or win any scholarship.

I don't have high expectations for myself.

I don't see why I should base my life worth on my GPA.

I'd rather be happy.

Labels: nicolee

 Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're going to believe them.

Labels: nicolee

At what speed must I live... to be able to see you again?

Mi manchi ... perché ti amo.

Labels: nicolee

I hate you.

Labels: nicolee

Can I say you were too slow so it's your fault?

Labels: nicolee

 I'm too awkward to say it
and I don't want you to read it so I can't blog it.


You don't need to try harder, you need to start to try.

But it's ok. I'll wait.
I think you're worth waiting for.

Labels: nicolee

 Years from now, I don't think it'll even matter.

But for now, the quest for meaningless worth continues.

Labels: nicolee